Mastering your weakness and overcoming fear

Joseph O’Bryan

Contributor

My vocation story is not my own, but the Lord’s. He leads me with Our Blessed Mother, Mary, and glorious St. Joseph, guiding me along the way.

I grew up in a Catholic household, gathering in the living room to pray the rosary almost every evening. Although I didn’t realize it then, this built a devotion to Our Lady in me. But at a young age, I also had a dream of Our Mother: I looked up at the sky, saw her and my heart filled with joy. What I felt was indescribable, but I can say now she has been undoubtedly present in my life then and now.

Fast forward to when I was 11-years old, the tragic loss of my brother Kyle, who committed suicide, happened. This shocked and horrified us all. I had no words and didn’t know how to act; this reality paralyzed me. As I looked back on this awful tragedy that happened in our family, at the same time we had so many people support us and be present with us during that time.

In high school, I went through a dark period in my life. The thoughts that consumed me were those of the devil. I was still going to Sunday Mass. However, my relationship with God felt as if I had buried him and forgotten him. I did not pray regularly; I did not spend time in Adoration; I did not read Scripture; I did not take the time to listen to his voice. I was instead in a state of paralyzing fear, which drove me to feel hopeless and anxious constantly.

When I was a Senior in high school, I decided to enter the Air Force Reserves as an electrician. This gave me a purpose, a goal to accomplish and a way to be part of something bigger than myself. I learned discipline in daily life, built healthy habits and learned to tackle challenging tasks. Although the military gave me a great foundation to live a disciplined life and foster friendships, I still dealt with this spiritual attack from the devil.

However, after hearing a podcast about an ex-Navy SEAL, I experienced a sudden change. He spoke about overcoming fear, saying, “master your weaknesses.” In turn, I thought of my own weakness: being in the silence. As I grappled with the reality of my own fear, with nowhere else to go, I set my mind to accomplish this task. For no reason at all, I reached for the first book I saw on my nightstand: my Bible from confirmation class.

From then on, I set my will on reading Scripture every day in silence to combat this paralyzing fear. Still, I did not pray regularly.

During a deployment in the Middle East, those anxious thoughts came back. “I thought I solved this problem.” I thought to myself. It felt like I was trying to solve a puzzle on my own.

Then, suddenly, I thought of the word “humility.” In that moment, I realized that until then, I had relied on myself to carry every burden and trial in my life. At that, I went to the base chapel and sat there … with Jesus present. This was the first time I willingly sat alone in Jesus’ presence. “I need him,” I thought.

On a rosary walk one day, I felt a burning desire to serve God in a ministerial way. It was a desire I had never felt before; a heavenly delight. Not thoughts of “this would be a cool job,” but my soul burning within me for this way of life.

At that, I contacted my pastor at Immaculate Heart of Mary, saying that I think I am called to the priesthood. In the month of September of 2023, my dad’s friend came up to me saying, “Joe, have you ever thought about becoming a priest? You would be a good priest.”

After that conversation, my heart increased even more to follow Jesus through the priesthood.

Seminary has been such a blessing in my life. I never thought I could be more joyful, more authentically free, and more enraptured by the beauty of God Almighty. At the seminary, I have learned what it means to be a disciple of Christ and to be configured to his Most Sacred Heart through daily work, fraternity and prayer. Every day is an opportunity for me to give myself wholly to Jesus through the Most Immaculate Heart of Our Mother and St. Joseph. Every day is an opportunity to give myself to my brothers, as Jesus says, “I have come to serve, not be served.” (Mark 10:45)

Joseph O’Bryan is a seminarian for the Diocese of Covington, Ky., in his second year, Discipleship Stage, of formation at the Pontifical College Josephinum, Columbus, Ohio.