Laura Keener
Editor
Announced in June 2024 by Bishop John Iffert, the Diocese of Covington, as part of its pastoral plan, has embarked on a three-year Campaign of Mercy. In support of the Campaign of Mercy, each month the Messenger has been highlighting a corporal or spiritual work of mercy and ways to connect to that work through service with either a diocesan or local social service organization, a parish group or as an individual. This month the highlighted work of mercy is bearing wrongs patiently.
Bearing wrongs patiently is not an acceptance of injustice or hurts, but a realization that change is slow and requires prayer and persistence. It is also an invitation to healing and forgiveness, two other processes that require time. This week, the Messenger highlights St. Patrick Parish, Taylor Mill, where a group of parents got together to pray for their children who have fallen away from the Church.
According to a 2009 report (revised in 2011) by the Pew Research Center, 10 percent of American adults are now former Catholics; 79 percent of former Catholics leave the Church before age 23.
Additionally, 50 percent of Millennials raised Catholic no longer identify as Catholic today. A person born between 1981–1996, or between the ages of 44 and 29, are considered Millennials. Many parents and grandparents who held these children as infants as the waters of Baptism were poured over their head, who witnessed their joyful glow as they made their First Communion and who prayed with and for them at their Confirmation, are now carrying concern and hurt as they realize that the faith they intended to pass on to their children has been rejected.
Disheartened that two of his four children had walked away from the faith, John Zoburg, parishioner, St. Patrick Parish, Taylor Mill, approached Father Jeffrey VonLehmen, pastor, for advice.
“My wife and I were very concerned about our children, who we raised Catholic from the day they were born all the way through Catholic high school, Catholic grade school … we tried to be the best Christians we could be in living examples. We just didn’t understand it,” Mr. Zoburg said. Instead of an answer, Father VonLehmen tasked him with a project.
“He looked at me, handed me a book and said, ‘I want you to read this, and if you’re open to it, I’d like you to lead the parish through some kind of sessions wrapped around it.’ He told us we were not the only parents or grandparents to come to him with these concerns,” said Mr. Zoburg.
Together Mr. Zoburg and Father VonLehmen developed five monthly sessions using as a resource the book “Return: How to Draw Your Children Back to the Church” authored by Brandon Vogt and published by Word on Fire.
“It is excellent,” said John Schaefer, parishioner, St. Patrick Parish, who attended the sessions. In addition to sharing statistics on the percentages of children who leave home and leave their faith, the book also “highlights the notion of hope,” he said.
About 40 parents and grandparents attended the sessions, with each of their children having varying degrees of separation from the Church and from their parents. Mr. Schaefer is grieved with the most severe separation; his daughter hasn’t spoken to him in four years.
“One of the strongest things that came out of it (the sessions) was this notion of staying tethered to your children, not trying to beat them over the head with a Bible, not trying to force the Catechism into them, that most of them probably already have in them, but just staying connected, just staying lovingly as much as possible. And then, when the time arises in life, hopefully the seeds grow,” said Mr. Schaefer.
Mr. Schaefer finds consolation in the witness of St. Monica, the mother of St. Augustine, who prayed unceasingly for her son to return to the faith. He continues to pray the prayer to St. Monica, for himself and for his daughter.
“Kudos to Father Jeff, who is a beloved spiritual director for us, to get this started and for having John Zoburg lead us through this really difficult thing,” said Mr. Schaefer.
For Mr. Zuborg, the prayers and techniques learned are bearing fruit. A year and half later, his oldest daughter has returned to the Church, her husband is in the OCIA program, and their two children will be baptized with their dad during the Easter Vigil this year.
“The book, it teaches you techniques of how to gently just introduce the topic of faith,” he said. For him, the opportunity came in the form of Bible study on Church history. His son-in-law is a scientist and has a natural curiosity about science and history.
“I just casually said, ‘Hey, I’m going to go to this Bible study on the history of Church,’” said Mr. Zoburg. And then he shut up. He didn’t even ask them to join him. Later that week, his daughter asked if she and her husband could come along. “That’s what the book teaches, just dropping little seeds here and there, not to force. Not to say, hey, come to church with me,” he said.
Mr. Schaefer said that praying for children is a lifelong process. He remembered that his own father would pray for him and his five siblings who also strayed from the faith throughout their father’s lifetime.
“My father prayed for two decades, and you know, when he was on his deathbed, all six of us were back in the Church. It was a beautiful moment. You know, it’s a life- long thing. It’s the challenge, not only of the child, but it’s the challenge of the parent,” Mr. Schaeffer said. “Every heartbeat reminds you you’re still alive, every day is still a prayer for your children. That’s the trust.”
If you are interested in learning more about or in hosting similar sessions at your parish, contact John Zoburg at (859) 816-1645.