‘Please, thank you and I’m sorry’ are the keys to a long marriage, Bishop Iffert quotes Pope Francis at wedding anniversary vespers

Bella Young

Multimedia Correspondent

The Office of Catechesis and Evangelization hosted the annual wedding anniversary vespers, Sept. 15, Cathedral Basilica of the Assumption, Covington, where couples celebrating significant anniversaries are invited to meet and be blessed by Bishop Iffert. The couples join Bishop Iffert in celebrating solemn vespers and a vow renewal ceremony before being greeted and blessed individually.

“Congratulations to everyone that is here today,” said Bishop Iffert, “because this year you are celebrating a milestone anniversary. We have folks who are here, 70-plus years of married life together. We have folks that are still finishing their first year together and will be marking their first anniversary.”

In his homily, Bishop Iffert recalled some advice given to young couples by Pope Francis early in his papacy. “What Pope Francis told these young couples, who are newly married, he asked them to remember three words … really the first words that your parents taught you to share with others.” The words, Bishop Iffert said, are please, thank you and I’m sorry.

During his time as a parish priest, Bishop Iffert was often asked to work with couples who seemed to be having a hard time adjusting to married life. Though he had little experience with marital counseling, Bishop Iffert asked the couples to develop three habits.

“The first habit I would like you to develop is, I would like you to remember to talk to one another every day. Not to talk about who’s going to take out the trash, who’s going to pick up the kids … 10 minutes a day or more where you talk to one another the way you talked to one another when you were courting. Speak to one another about your dreams, speak to one another about your ideals, about your hopes, about what you long for, about the person you still want to be and want to become … share what we find beautiful, to find in one another still that you are discovering one another, that you are still a land of surprises to one another, that you can still surprise each other even after years and years and years of marriage,” said Bishop Iffert.

The habit of speaking to one another so deeply, reinforces the same message as saying please does, not taking one another for granted. “Saying please is an indication that we will not take one another for granted … say please, don’t take one another for granted, talk to one another about your ideas and dreams every day,” said Bishop Iffert.

The second habit Bishop Iffert asked the couples to develop is gratefulness for one another, reinforced by saying thank you. “Second Pope Francis says … remember every day to say thank you. Remembering to say thank you reminds us that we are grateful for one another, that we are gifts to one another,” said Bishop Iffert. “There is a second practice that I used to encourage couples to take part in every day, and that is every day to come up with … another reason to be grateful to your spouse. As I would walk through this exercise with people, I was amazed at the beautiful things people would say, sometimes extraordinarily ordinary but nonetheless fruitful, beautiful … Think of another reason to be grateful for one another, and as often as you can, to share a compliment, to compliment the other. So, that they know that you are grateful, that you are not taking them for granted.”

“The third is very simple … he [Pope Francis] said when you hurt one another, and you will hurt one another … be quick to say, ‘I’m sorry,’” Bishop Iffert said. “Those words remind us of the responsibility we have of one another. To draw one another towards Christ, to draw one another towards salvation, we all get harmed from time to time, we forget we all do some of the harming from time to time. Let us remember that we are reliant on the grace of God and that your marriage is one of the graces that God intends for you.”

As part of drawing each other towards salvation in the action of saying I’m sorry, Bishop Iffert said, is the third habit that he invites couples to develop. “The third practice that I always encourage people in their marriage is to pray with one another. I believe it is the most intimate thing we can do, to really be a child of God in front of one another. To be the person God calls us to be, and together to come before the Lord as his children.”

“The Pope asks those of you who are newly married, and he asks those of you who have been married for seven decades, don’t take one another for granted, say please, be grateful for one another, say thank you, and when you harm one another, be quick to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ To ask for forgiveness from the bottom of your heart and ask much as you can to give that forgiveness willingly and easily, knowing it is a reflection of the way we ask God for forgiveness each day. Let me propose alongside, please, thank you, and I’m sorry, let me propose these three little practices, no matter what stage of marriage you are in. Speak to one another about the things that are most important to your heart, and to yourself … Be grateful for one another, everyday think of something new about why you are so grateful for the gift of one another…Third, pray with one another. Every day, if you’re not already, invite the Lord into your marriage,” said Bishop Iffert to conclude his homily.

With over 4,700 cumulative years of marriage sitting in the Cathedral Basilica of the Assumption, both the Pope’s and Bishop Iffert’s advice did not fall on deaf ears. Husbands and wives shared glances at each other throughout the homily